Fine, yes, okay: the missionary sex position can often be considered “vanilla” for some. But that’s what so good about it—everyone understands what’s going on, and the position itself is versatile enough that you can make it fun. Like, really fun. “A lot of the positions people aspire to are very adventurous, complicated and athletic, which is great. But, let’s face it, that’s not everyday sex for most people, and not possible at all for many others,” says Tara Struyk, Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Kinkly. “Missionary is easy to get into, easy to get out of, and doesn’t involve feats of strength or flexibility.”
Plus, missionary can be extremely intimate and romantic. You’re face-to-face with someone you’re super hot for! “It’s arousing to be able to look into your partner’s eyes and see their facial expression while having sex,” says Carmel Jones, a relationship expert who writes about sex, dating, and relationships at The Big Fling . “It also allows for a lot of skin-to-skin contact.”
But, the number one thing to know about missionary (like, deep in your soul and despite what you see in practically every movie/TV show/ 99.9% of porn) is that most women do not orgasm from penetration alone. And this is—repeat after me—totally normal. The solution? Get your clit involved!
Here are a few ways to do that, for the missionary non-believers.
Get handsy
“Use your hands. This may be the most universal and helpful tip regardless of position,” says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, sex expert at Astroglide. “Reach down and touch yourself. Rub, grind, vibe, play, stroke, press, pulse or caress to your heart’s content. Don’t rely on one body part (a penis or strap-on) to get you off. Your hands are the ultimate sex toy.”
Call in the toys
“Use a toy! Many toys, like the We-Vibe Pivot and Chorus, are designed to be worn during intercourse. Both offer rumbly vibrations and can be adjusted to suit your body and angles,” says O’Reilly. “And if you’re playing with a toy, be sure to use a toy-safe lube like Astroglide’s Toy ‘n Joy so that your toys last for many years to come.”
Once you give your clit the attention it deserves, try some of these tips and tricks to enjoy missionary sex to its fullest potential.
Put a ring on it
“My favorite variation on missionary is adding a vibrating cock ring, so we both get a little rumble in the jungle,” says Goody Howard, resident sex educator for sexual hygiene and body care company Royal.
Build a pillow fort under your butt
“Add a pillow under the receiving partner’s hips. It creates the perfect angle for deeper penetration,” says Howard. Not doing it for you? “Bed pillows won’t resist that much activity, so I recommend a good position pillow,” says Tami Rose, owner of Romantic Adventures, an adult store in Mississippi.
Use your legs
“Lift your legs and hook them over your partner’s shoulders for deep penetration,” says Ruby Payne, sex expert at adult toy retailer UberKinky. “You can wrap your legs around your partner’s waist for maximized closeness and intimacy, or you can even straighten your legs out (if you’re the receiver) so your partner is almost lying flat against you for some shallow penetration that feels incredible.” (Fact check: True! See The Lock and Load position below.)
Add bondage
“Bringing some light bondage into your missionary position is easy and a great way to add a little spice. With the wrists of the bottom partner cuffed together, you can raise their hands above their head and practice a little power play,” says Searah Deysach, sex educator and owner of feminist sex shop Early to Bed.
Here are 19 of the best positions for missionary sex—and feel free to sprinkle in one (or all) of the tips above for peak pleasure while working your way through ’em. Feel very, very free.
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